Tag Archives: Lorient

April Fools That Never Made It To Print

7 Apr

Geraint Williams has left Leyton Orient to take over a special assignment for the Welsh FA, trying to persuade Ryan Giggs to play friendlies for Wales…

If both Orient and West Ham are relegated, the Olympic Stadium will have 80,000 seats taken out and moved to Goresbrook park where Dagenham & Redridge (and any other teams they merge with/swallow up in the next two years) will play.

Orient will merge with French team Lorient and Japanese side Grampus 8.
The new side will be called ‘Le Grumpy 11’ and feature 3 players from Lorient and 8 from Grampus 8.

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L.Orient banned from entering transfer market after poaching French players

14 Sep

Leyton Orient, the little known east london club who play on the site of a future supermarket and are twinned with French Giants Lorient (club motto – because they’re worth it) have been handed a world record 10 year ban in the transfer market after illegally approaching, attempting to sign, and generally poaching like eggs the cream of the French Cheese market in Calais.

Take That

Take That

Orient chairman Harry Byrne and Chief Executive Column Writer Mort Pinter acted under cover by opening a warehouse named “Eastenders” in Calais where they sold cheap booze, and English people flocked in their thousands to buy the bargains in January and August.

The scam was discoverd when a french employee, known locally as Len, revealed what his bosses were doing by inadvertedly posting information on Fraisebook and Tweeter (the french versions of Friends Re-United and Myspace)

The full list of players poached by L.Orient is as follows….

Loick Pires (brother of Robert)
Paul Thierry (brother of John Henry)
Stephane Purchase
Rianne Jarvis
Jerome Jones (gk)
Thierry Mkandawire
Jerome Ibehere
Jason Jean (JJ) Melligan
Sasha Opinell
Simone Church
Michel’ Simpson
Zinedane Zakuani
Amara Simba
Magno Vierra
That Other one from the Calais amatuer team

Manager Gerard Williams slammed FIFA and was quoted as saying “Sacre Blue” before eating an onion and crying real tears and cycling off down the louvre…

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